Why I Chose Surrogacy: A Gay Dad's Decision

I always knew I wanted to be a dad. That part was never the question. The question was how — and as a gay man, the 'how' comes with a complexity that most people never have to think about.

Adoption was on the table. Co-parenting was discussed. But surrogacy kept pulling me back. The idea of a biological connection, of seeing my family in my children's faces — that mattered to me. And I'm done apologizing for it.

The cost. $150K+ is not a number you casually commit to. The legal complexity. The medical uncertainty. The idea of doing this alone, as a single parent, with no partner to share the weight.

And the fear that people would judge me. That they'd say I was selfish for bringing children into a 'non-traditional' family. That my kids would suffer for having a gay dad. Those fears were real — and they were wrong.

A conversation with a friend who'd done it. She said: 'The fear doesn't go away. You just decide the dream is bigger than the fear.' That stuck.

I realized I was waiting for permission — from society, from my family, from some imaginary authority — to become a parent. And nobody was going to give it to me. I had to give it to myself.

Start before you're ready. You'll never feel ready. The research phase can become a procrastination phase if you let it.

Talk to gay dads who've done it. Not agencies, not lawyers — actual dads. Their stories will tell you more than any brochure.

And know this: the journey is hard. The outcome is everything.