Surrogacy for Single Gay Men: The Complete Guide
Pursuing surrogacy as a single gay man is possible, rewarding, and harder than anyone tells you. Here's the complete, honest guide from a dad who did it alone.
I did surrogacy alone. No partner. No co-parent. Just me, an agency, a clinic, and the unwavering belief that I was supposed to be a father. Here's what that actually looks like.
Yes, You Can Do This Alone
The first thing you need to know: single gay men can absolutely pursue surrogacy. In the US, Canada, and several other countries, there are no legal barriers to single intended parents — though the specifics vary by jurisdiction.
The second thing: it's harder alone. Not impossible. Not inadvisable. Just harder. Every decision, every cost, every emotional moment — you carry it yourself. That's the reality, and it's worth naming before you start.
The Process Is the Same (Mostly)
The medical and legal process is identical whether you're single or partnered. You'll need an egg donor, a gestational carrier, IVF, legal contracts, and a reproductive lawyer.
The difference is in the support structure. Partnered intended parents share the emotional weight. Single intended parents build their own support system — friends, family, therapists, online communities. Build it before you need it.
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The Cost Reality
Surrogacy costs the same whether you're single or partnered: $120K–$200K+ in the US. The financial burden falls on one income instead of two. That's significant.
I spent approximately $65,000 USD doing my surrogacy in Kenya — significantly less than North American rates. But the trade-off was distance, uncertainty, and being 27 hours away from my babies during the pregnancy.
The Emotional Reality
There's no one to call at 2am when the anxiety hits. No one to share the grief of a failed transfer. No one to celebrate with when the test comes back positive.
You learn to be your own support system. You learn to ask for help in ways you never had to before. And you learn that doing this alone doesn't mean doing it without love — it means doing it with a different kind of strength.
What I'd Tell a Single Gay Man Considering This
Start before you're ready. Find your community early. Budget for the unexpected. Get a therapist who understands third-party reproduction.
And know this: your children will grow up knowing they were chosen by someone who wanted them enough to do this alone. That's not a deficit. That's a superpower.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can a single gay man do surrogacy?
Yes. Single gay men can pursue gestational surrogacy in many US states and countries. The process is the same as for couples, though the emotional and financial burden falls on one person.
Is surrogacy more expensive for single parents?
The cost is the same — but it comes from one income. Budget carefully and explore financing options, payment plans, and international surrogacy if cost is a barrier.
Joseph Tito
Creator of The Dad Diaries. Gay dad of twins. Writing about fatherhood, surrogacy, and the beautiful mess of real life.