The Second Embryo Transfer: Single Parent, Second Chance
After the first transfer failed, Joseph Tito went back for a second attempt — alone, scared, and more determined than ever.
The second transfer is different from the first. The first time, you're full of hope and naivety. The second time, you know what failure feels like. You go in with your eyes open — and you go in anyway.
What Changes After the First Failure
Everything and nothing. The process is the same — the medications, the monitoring, the transfer, the wait. But you're different. You've already held hope and watched it dissolve. You know the two-week wait is survivable. You also know it's brutal.
I went into the second transfer with a different kind of resolve. Less innocent. More determined. The first failure hadn't broken me — it had clarified something. I wasn't doing this because it was easy. I was doing it because it was the only path I could see.
Being a Single Parent Through the Process
There's no one to call at 2am when the anxiety hits. No one to sit with you while you wait for the beta results. No one to share the grief when it doesn't work, or the joy when it does.
That's the reality of doing this as a single intended parent. You build your support system deliberately — friends, family, therapist, online communities. You learn to ask for help in ways you never had to before.
The World Is Theirs
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The Result
The second transfer also failed. I sat with that for a while. Then I made an appointment with my clinic to talk about what came next.
There's a version of this story where I gave up. I'm glad I didn't write that version.
Frequently Asked Questions
How many embryo transfers does surrogacy take?
It varies widely. Some intended parents succeed on the first transfer. Others, like Joseph, require multiple attempts. The average is 1–3 transfers, but there's no guarantee.
Is it harder to do surrogacy as a single parent?
Emotionally, yes — you carry the journey alone. But it's entirely possible, and many single gay dads have successfully built families through surrogacy.
Joseph Tito
Creator of The Dad Diaries. Gay dad of twins. Writing about fatherhood, surrogacy, and the beautiful mess of real life.