From Stoned Swimmers to Super Sperm
An unexpected chapter in my surrogacy journey — what I discovered about my own fertility, and what it took to get from there to here.
Here's something I hadn't mentioned yet about my surrogacy journey — it involves a rather unexpected chapter in my fertility story. One I wasn't expecting, didn't want to have, and couldn't avoid.
The Test Nobody Warns You About
When you start the surrogacy process as a gay man, there's a moment early on where you have to confront your own fertility. Not in an abstract way. In a very specific, clinical, slightly humiliating way.
I got tested. The results were not what I hoped for. The term the doctor used was not encouraging. I left that appointment with a lot of questions and not many answers.
What I Did About It
I made changes. Diet, lifestyle, the things that apparently matter more than you think they do. I went back. Got tested again. The results were different.
I'm not going to pretend I have a tidy lesson here about discipline and willpower. Mostly I just did what I had to do because the alternative was giving up on something I wasn't willing to give up on.
The World Is Theirs
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What This Part of the Journey Taught Me
Frequently Asked Questions
Do gay men need fertility testing before surrogacy?
Yes. Sperm analysis is a standard part of the surrogacy process for intended fathers. The results affect which path you take — and in some cases, require lifestyle changes or medical intervention before proceeding.
Can lifestyle changes improve sperm quality?
Yes, significantly. Diet, exercise, sleep, stress levels, and avoiding certain substances can all impact sperm quality. Many men see meaningful improvement within 3 months of making changes.
Joseph Tito
Creator of The Dad Diaries. Gay dad of twins. Writing about fatherhood, surrogacy, and the beautiful mess of real life.