The First Fertility Clinic Visit: Where Love Meets Science
The first fertility clinic visit is where the abstract becomes real. You walk in with a dream and walk out with a plan — and a whole new vocabulary.
I remember sitting in the waiting room of the fertility clinic thinking: I don't belong here. This is for couples. For people with medical problems. Not for a single gay man who just wants to be a dad. Then the nurse called my name and I walked in anyway.
What the First Visit Actually Covers
The first consultation is mostly information gathering. The doctor reviews your medical history, explains the IVF process, discusses egg donation, and outlines the timeline. You'll likely have a semen analysis scheduled.
It's a lot of information in a short time. Take notes. Bring questions. And don't be embarrassed to ask them to slow down — this is your first time, not theirs.
The Emotional Reality
Nobody tells you how strange it feels to sit across from a doctor and talk about creating a human being. The clinical language — embryos, transfers, success rates — sits oddly against the enormity of what you're actually doing.
I left that first appointment with a folder full of paperwork and a head full of questions I hadn't thought to ask. That's normal. The surrogacy process unfolds over months. You don't need to understand everything on day one.
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What to Bring
Your medical history. Any previous fertility testing if you've had it. A list of questions — write them down before you go, because you'll forget half of them in the room.
And bring your patience. The first visit is the beginning of a long relationship with this clinic. You'll be back many times. The goal today is just to start.
Joseph Tito
Creator of The Dad Diaries. Gay dad of twins. Writing about fatherhood, surrogacy, and the beautiful mess of real life.