The First Embryo Transfer: What to Expect
What the first embryo transfer in surrogacy actually feels like — the hope, the waiting, and the emotional reality of this pivotal moment.
The first embryo transfer is the moment everything you've been building toward becomes real. The contracts are signed. The donor cycle is complete. The embryos exist. And now — you wait. Here's what that actually feels like.
What Happens During the Transfer
The transfer itself is a relatively simple procedure — no surgery, no anesthesia. The embryo is transferred to the surrogate's uterus via a thin catheter. It takes about 10–15 minutes. The surrogate rests for a short period afterward.
As the intended parent, you may or may not be present. In some arrangements, intended parents attend via video call. In others, they're in the room. It depends on your surrogate's preferences and your location.
The Two-Week Wait
After the transfer, you wait approximately 10–14 days for a blood test to confirm whether the embryo implanted. This is the two-week wait — and it is exactly as brutal as it sounds.
You will Google every symptom. You will read forums. You will convince yourself it worked, then convince yourself it didn't. This is normal. It doesn't mean anything about the outcome.
The blog was the beginning. The book is the whole story.
Everything here started in my parents' basement at 3am. The Dad Diaries — the failed transfers, Kenya, the citizenship fight, and the postpartum depression nobody warns a father about — is published by Cormorant Books on 26 September.
What Happens If It Doesn't Work
Failed transfers are common. The success rate for a single embryo transfer is typically 40–60%, depending on embryo quality, the surrogate's uterine lining, and other factors.
A failed transfer is devastating. It is also not the end. Most intended parents who go through surrogacy experience at least one failed transfer. My journey took five. Each one was its own kind of grief — and each one led to the next attempt.
Preparing Yourself Emotionally
Hope is not optional in this process. But neither is preparation. Go into the transfer with hope and with a plan for what happens if it doesn't work. Talk to your therapist. Talk to your agency. Talk to other dads who've been through it.
The transfer is a beginning, not a guarantee. Hold both of those things at once.
Frequently Asked Questions
How long after embryo transfer do you know if it worked?
Typically 10–14 days after the transfer, a blood test (beta hCG) confirms whether implantation occurred. Home pregnancy tests can give false results during this period due to fertility medications.
What is the success rate of embryo transfer in surrogacy?
Approximately 40–60% per transfer, depending on embryo quality, the surrogate's health, and other factors. Many intended parents require multiple transfers.
Joseph Tito
Creator of The Dad Diaries. Gay dad of twins. Writing about fatherhood, surrogacy, and the beautiful mess of real life.
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Stories from a gay dad raising twins. No advice you didn't ask for, no sponsored content — just honest modern fatherhood.