Going Back to Kenya: What I Want My Daughters to Know
Kenya is where they were born. I've always said I'd take them back. Here's what I want them to understand when we finally go.
I've been planning this trip since the day I left. Not formally — no dates booked, no itinerary written. Just the quiet certainty that I would take my daughters back to the country where they were born. That they would stand in Mombasa and know, in a way that's more than intellectual, that this place is part of their story.
Why Kenya Matters
Kenya is where Stella and Mia came into the world. It's where I held them for the first time. It's where I sat on a beach for two weeks waiting for them to arrive, trying to understand that my life was about to change completely. I wrote about that wait in the trip to Mombasa.
For me, Kenya is the place where everything started. I want them to know that place. Not as an abstraction — as a real country, with real people, with a specific geography that holds the beginning of their story.
What I Want Them to Understand
That their origin story is extraordinary. That most people don't begin their lives in a hospital in Mombasa, carried by a woman who gave them something irreplaceable. That the path their father took to bring them into the world was long and hard and worth every step.
I don't want them to feel like their story is complicated. I want them to feel like their story is remarkable. There's a difference.
The World Is Theirs
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What I'll Show Them
The beach I walked every morning while I waited for them. The city that was kind to a single gay Canadian man who showed up alone to become a father. The ocean that was there when everything else felt uncertain.
And the clinic, if it's still there. The place where the science and the hope and the love all came together. I want them to stand in front of it and know: this is where it happened. This is where you became real.
What I'm Waiting For
The right age. Old enough to understand what they're seeing. Old enough to ask questions and hold the answers. Old enough that the trip will mean something beyond the pool and the food.
I think that age is coming soon. And when it does, we're going.
What Travel Can Do That Words Can't
I've told my daughters their story many times. In age-appropriate language, with love and honesty and pride. They know the broad outlines. They know about the surrogate, the egg donor, the journey. I've written about telling donor-conceived children their story in detail.
But there's a kind of knowing that only comes from being somewhere. From standing in a place and feeling it. I want them to have that kind of knowing about Kenya. About where they came from. About the country that gave them to me.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is Kenya a safe destination for family travel?
Kenya has popular family-friendly destinations, particularly the coast (Mombasa, Diani Beach) and safari regions. Like any international destination, it requires research and preparation. Many families travel there safely every year.
How do you talk to donor-conceived children about their birth country?
With honesty, age-appropriate language, and pride. The birth country is part of their story. Frame it as something remarkable, not something complicated. Children take their emotional cues from their parents.
Joseph Tito
Creator of The Dad Diaries. Gay dad of twins. Writing about fatherhood, surrogacy, and the beautiful mess of real life.